Without mirroring, they respond either with:
- Intrigue to know more or
- A shared experience to promote bonding and continue the conversation.
The more relatable or expressive of the same idea, lesson or value, the greater the non-verbal connection grows.
In this situation you subconsciously think: “They understand exactly what I’m saying.”
To truly listen, and receive the most honest response, you must respond yourself without judgment.
The usage of just 1 word can change your intended meaning.
Your goal is to understand their intentions, rather than only their words. Doing so requires that no judgments or other conversations are happening mentally. You remain in this moment, without your biases challenging reality.
The real challenge to becoming an effective listener is the voice in your head changing the narrative. The unregulated brain won't sit still.
My favorite exercise for separating yourself from your brain comes from Michael Singer’s The Untethered Soul.
In it, he says to imagine your internal monologue physically personified as a person standing right next to you. Imagine somebody giving you all the advice that your brain can’t shut up about. Maybe then you'll realize how bad the advice actually is, or that you don’t agree with more than half of what it says.
An ineffective listener is only responding to their own monologue. And so they are isolated from the larger - shared - reality.
As always, if you’ve found this information useful, share it with a few friends!
And until tomorrow,
Chandler Ball
P.S. This was originally sent on June 26, 2023. Sign up today for the Unstuck Newsletter and Become Unstuck!